Harder In Some Ways

Woke up today at 7:30. Bitterly cold outside- 50 degrees in the house. Quickly ran through the chores - got everything fed, ice busted up in all the water buckets, fresh water topping them all off. We are in survival mode with our animals, no longer striving for productivity; just trying to keep them all alive. Had a nice breakfast, started a fire, turned on the oven to help heat our 396 square feet. Went back to bed. Awoke again to chaos inside and out. Amid weeping, wailing, cursing, and the gnashing of teeth. Looked at the clock. 2 PM. 2PM?

Finding it hard to stay motivated. Can't work in the garden. Barn stocked with hay and feed, animals secure and relatively warm. House completed inside and out-for the most part- still need a wall painted...this was something I was not prepared for.

In the spring, summer, and fall it's easy to stay motivated. Planting, watching things grow, weeding, harvesting, selling...now we are shutting down. I look around and see a small list of jobs and have to decide whether to go ahead and knock them off the list or...crawl back in bed. I did not count on getting this much done so quickly. Now I have to learn what to do with myself now that there is nothing urgent, nothing in crisis, nothing on our list that can't wait for spring.

The transition from full time rat race to semi-retired self-sufficient, simple living has been easy in many ways; but much harder in others. Never thought I would find it hard to stay motivated. I want to write...but when I sit down to do it, nothing comes. I read ALOT. I calculate that I have read over 9,600 pages since my last day of work on June 4.

I ease my stir-craziness by doing what I call "piddling outside"- this amounts to me creating little projects for myself that advance our productivity, comfort, or overall farm organization and appearance, but it becomes doubly hard on days like the last couple we've had. Saturday and Sunday it turned bitterly cold and windy. I mean WINDY! 20-30 mph steady wind with gust over 40 mph. I can handle working in the cold; we're blessed with warm clothes, hats, gloves, and plenty of firewood. But that wind whips you around, makes standing, working with bare hands, walking, and concentrating almost impossible.

I look forward to the next week or two as Aaron, now currently in Afghanistan, hopefully will be home for Christmas. That will be a welcome distraction.