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Showing posts with label FICTION. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FICTION. Show all posts

Friday, December 4, 2015

The Dark Matters - fragment that went nowhere #1

"Night is, as it were, a hand placed on our soul. At certain hideous and solemn hours we feel that which is beyond the wall of the tomb encroaching on us."

- Victor Hugo, The Man Who Laughs



Chapter 1
I awake at two thirty in the morning, heart racing, sweat soaked, and in a panic. I had not been dreaming, or at least I do not remember a dream. But I am convinced she is there, knocking at my door.

"I will not let you go!" she says.

Within just a few minutes as my vision clears from sleep and the vortex of a rapid rise from my bed slows and the room once again stands still, I realize that this is not so. There is no one at my door. No camper upon my steps. No way She could ever find me even in this technologically advanced world where information on anyone and everyone is just a Google away. I lie back down and quickly succumb to deep exhausted sleep.




At three thirty, it happens again.

Thump! Thump! Thump! this time it is not She standing before me. It is her minion, side-kick is an altogether too comical and flighty description. It is He, a handsome rugged man when viewed in the physical; a stumpy, imperfect amalgamation of stubborness and pride when viewing the soul. His thick middle finger extended from the stumpy, thick muscled fist is pounding my chest. The thumping I took for a knock at my door was in reality the echo caused by this grotesque finger tapping firmly on my chest. There are two things that haunt me. This finger and then the face, stoic but for the turned down mouth as if He were going to weep. This face comprised of eyes that pierce me through my adam's apple, a fear inducing, projectile. Thoughts are projectiles and his were megaton bombs, their whistle and sonic boom make me able to understand his message before the words proceed from his twisted mouth.

"I am your father. You can't change that!" Thump, thump, thump.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Combustible - Ch9 - The Final Chapter?

When we last left Donny, he was walking arm in arm with his housekeeper Ms. Davis on a cold, snowy Sunday morning, towards their church located in North Boston, just down the street, actually, from the Old North Church of "One if by land and two if by sea" fame. At the same time, a letter Donny had dropped in the mail was making its way across country to Little Rock Arkansas. I had hoped to take you inside the little church to show you the glory of this 200+ year old building and the fixtures and rituals of the Anglican Service, the glorious sounds of the sung service, and the eloquence of the 1928 prayer book still in use. However, imminent, exciting news from Shamrock and Thistle Farm has compelled me to change the focus of this chapter of Combustible, to draw it to a conclusion I hope you will find satisfying...


Chapter 9

Something happened to Donny as he was sitting there just after the Gloria was sung. That most perfect musical bliss that is: "Oh Lord God...Heavenly King!" in the sung service. He felt a wave of heat and wind like a strong sweet smelling breath from on high, push past him, flushing his cheeks and filling his lungs with a coolness and his mind with a clarity hardly to be understood or described. It was as if, the dark clouds that stood between he and his horizon suddenly cleared away for Father Sun to shine upon his goal...and perhaps, more importantly, his path. After years of muddling through life, depending on others, and feeling sorry for himself, he now knew what he was supposed to do. And as the realization that the big mystery was still out there for him to find - the mystery of his wife's death (why did she not tell him? where did she go?) and the mystery of normal people and why they suddenly burst into a flaming nothingness and ash? And the mystery of why, when the soul and the mind want to stop, the body keeps ticking along all shone bright before him. He had already taken the first step, responding to the postcards he received daily. But now came understanding. If there was a God who really cared, perhaps He was simply waiting for him to make the first step before clearing the way.

As he and Ms. Davis exited the church, leaving the warmth if the sanctuary, that had become almost oppressive, and stepping into the cold blast of air that intially brought them comfort before turning bitter again, he stopped walking, looked directly into her eyes and said,

"I am going to Little Rock, Ms. Davis. I do not know why. I just feel like there are answers there."

"I know," Ms. Davis answered, "I'll make arrangements for you tomorrow morning."


Arrangements were made, as she promised, and by Monday night Donny was on a plane heading west. He left Boston, and through a quirk in the airline industry, flew to Chicago O'Hare where he had to switch planes, which required him to walk across a flight line, between aircraft and hangars, to another terminal. From Chicago he flew to Atlanta, where, again, he had to change planes, requiring him to ride a train from one terminal to the next. But, perhaps, in an instance of divine intervention, his connecting flight was on time, he boarded the plane for a direct flight to Little Rock National Airport. If you have ever flown a certain airline into or out of Atlanta, you will appreciate the fact that Donny was able to arrive and depart on his scheduled time. To this day, I avoid Atlanta because I am not fond of long lines and over-night-sleeps-at-the-gate experiences.

By midnight Central Standard Time, Donny touched down in the Queen City of the Mid-South, picked up his rental car and by 1:00AM he had checked into his hotel on Shackleford Road.

"He would sleep in a little and then head downtown to the Post Office to scope out the PO Box" he said to himself, hoping, beyond hope to see who opened it. The excitement at the prospect of identifying the anonymous sender was not strong enough to keep him awake after his long journey. He drifted off to sleep.

On his way out the following afternoon he noticed a Copeland's restaurant just down the road from his hotel and he stopped at this welcome sight for lunch. A long time, New Orleans fixture, Copeland's had expanded its territory to include Little Rock and Donny, who in times past had tried to close down memories from his past, readily took his seat at the table and remembered the anniversary dinners he and Clara had at their Copeland's in the Crescent City. "The cheese grits are to die for," he remembered Clara saying.

Hospital Row, as its called, is Interstate 630 which connects the Chenal Parkway Financial District and the southwest Loop I430 with I30 which runs from Dallas to Little Rock, dead-ending into I40 heading east-west from coast to coast. Fort Smith lies to the West, Memphis to the East. Both two+ hours away. Past Baptist Hospital, St. Vincent's, University Medical Center (University of Arkansas Medical Center, and Children's Hospital, Donny drove, staying in the right hand lane. His map showed that he would need to exit on Broadway, turn left across the bridge spanning the Interstate, then a right on Capitol. Within a few minutes he had arrived at the main post office. He mistakenly pulled into the dock/receiving area and did not realize it until he saw a van from Arkansas Children's Hospital and the good looking, young looking, 50 something year old courier hop out of the cab and signal him back to the front. Donny's second clue was the battery of white post office trucks lined up against the dock being loaded from within. A quick u-turn and Donny was in the front lot at the main entrance. He took a book out of his pack and took up residence in the lobby which housed the banks of Post Office Boxes- and waited.

It was at least an hour before he realized that he had not identified The PO Box he needed to keep an eye on and that he had probably wasted a day. He straightened his legs, stiff from sitting on the tile floor, as he stood and made his way up one bank of boxes and another until he located the box, 1302A, repositioned himself so he could see if anyone accessed it, without it looking like he could see who accessed it. He waited and then he waited some more. When the post office closed, Donny closed his book and headed back to the hotel. With the 5:00PM rush "hour", he made it back to his room in 35 minutes. Rush Hour in Little Rock is a generic term which has no basis in reality as even at its busiest, one can make it across town in less than a half and hour. But Rush Half-and Hour sounds stupid.

Tuesday was much the same. Wednesday like wise. Thursday again. Surprisingly no one stopped to ask him what he was doing there every day, much to Donny's relief. By Friday, Donny had realized that in flying from Boston to Little Rock, that he had passed his return letter making its way by truck down the interstates through Pennsylvania, Ohio, Kentucky, and Tennessee. And then it dawned on him, that his mystery pen-pal probably only checks the box once a week. What if they check it once a month? Was he going to sit in the lobby of the post office for a whole month?

His wait continued through Friday and then on Saturday. It was mid morning and a rush of people entered the lobby all at once. Each one checking PO Boxes, standing in line to mail packages, or buying stamps. Donny was lost in the crowd. He drew his knees up to his chest and stared at Box 1302A intently. Suddenly, what he had been waiting for happened. A youngish, 30-something woman, brunette, chunky build, short, wearing a pea-coat and dark framed horn-rimmed glasses pulled a key out of her coat pocket and opened the box. It was, of course, empty because Donny's letter had not yet arrived. Donny, struggled with whether or not to rise to his feet and rush over to her to introduce himself, for just a moment. The delay made the decision moot as the crowd pressed against him, it was all he could do to stand and by the time he did, the young woman had closed and locked the box and had rushed out to the parking lot. By the time Donny made it outside she had gone. He had his chance and he missed it. Donny decided to head back to the hotel to try again Monday. Surely, at any rate, his letter would arrive any day, and he would be there to see her pick it up.

The following week, again, was uneventful. The odd patron would sigh in disgust as they stepped over or around Donny seated there in the lobby reading his book - obviously assuming he was a homeless man. His scruffy look led to this perception even if he had not been eating bologna sandwiches whilst seated on a hard tile floor in the post office. Monday and Tuesday passed. Wednesday, Donny awoke in hope. There was no reason for this. Wednesday would most likely be just like the last week of days and he most likely would have to wait until another Saturday morning came along to see the mystery woman again. But this time he would be ready he told himself. Maybe that was the reason for this hope, that spurred him on.

Alas, it was not Saturday of even Friday that she showed up again. It was 7:00 AM Thursday morning. Donny had just arrived to see the young woman, again bundled in a pea-coat, leaving the lobby of the post office in a hurry. It was incidentally, this same Thursday morning that Donny's letter had caught up to him and had just been placed in PO Box 1302 A. The woman held this letter in her gloved hand as she trotted down the side walk and around the building to the loading dock where she had illegally parked her '91 Saturn coupe. She ran past the large truck that had just been unloaded - the one that carried Donny's letter from Boston, hopped in her car and turned the key. The tempermental old car did not start at first. But a second and third try as Donny rounded the building in pursuit of her, the starter cranked and the engine turned over. Just as the car started, the driver of the Post Office 18 wheeler lurched his truck into gear as he began the next leg of his journey - probably to Dallas. As the woman pulled out ahead of the truck, she looked into her rear view mirror and witnessed Donny clearing the building, sprinting across the lot, and running into its path.

Donny lay in a pool of his own blood littered with the broken glass of the truck's left headlight.









Epilogue- the Language of God



The Hebrew contained in the language of the first book of the Torah, the first sentence,  the first word, indeed, the first letter has some significance. In fact, if one reads the Rabbinical teachings throughout time, each letter of the Hebrew alphabet and the order in which it is placed in the scriptures has eternal significance. Our word Alpha-Bet is derived from the first two letters of this alphabet - Aleph and Bet.



The Aleph, the first letter of the alpha bet, as you can see, is an intricate design, and drawn open on all sides. Top, Bottom, Left, and Right, there is access, if you will, to the center of the letter. And in Hebrew thought, Aleph being the beginning of the AlphaBet, Aleph is also considered the beginning of all things. When Christ says I am the Alpha and the Omega in the Greek of the New Testament, He is saying "I am the Aleph and the Yom" in the Hebrew.




The Bet, as you can see, is more austere than its predecessor, the Aleph. And closed on three sides. This, in Hebrew thought, demonstrates only one way to the center of Bet, it also signifies the House. Bet Israel, then is the House of Israel. So, one can deduce, the Bet shows only one way into the center or the core of the House, the second letter of the alphabet.

Jewish thought, throughout the centuries, has asked the question. With Aleph being the beginning of all things, why would G-d not start His Holy Scriptures with this letter rather than start it with the second letter as He has done?

The Rabbinical answer? Perhaps G-d, Blessed Be He, did not mean for the beginning of all things to be open on all sides for His creation to see. He started His Holy Scriptures with the Bet because it is only open on one side. Reading the Bet as the first letter in the scriptures, then means, that anything preceding the Bet is to remain closed off. The only access to the House of G-d is the one way in, that is the side open to the rest of His Word.

It is here, we leave Donny, the shell that housed his soul, his mind, his curiosity, his deep love for truth, his wife, for answers. For too long he had probed the depths of what happened before that first letter in the Scriptures. What came before was not open to him. Perhaps, he approached something similar to the truth of what IS and the post cards, the stranger who sent them, and the 18-wheeler, were all God's way to remind Donny, that the beginnings of this universe were not open to him. He had only be content with the Bet and what happens after. To probe too deeply into the Aleph of what IS had always been forbidden.

Perhaps those that disappeared in flame and ash had approached something, a purpose, a desire, or an emotion, that gave them a glimpse into the eternal, the Face of God, and to take another step, or to stare into Glory for too long was forbidden and Poof! they were gone.

Sadly readers, we too, must be content with what comes next and not probe to deeply into what is past, and dare not to tread into what came before....

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Combustible Chapter 8 - Century Lines Part 2


Donny did make it home, eventually. He approached the door and instinctively took the keys out of his pocket, selected the correct one, without thinking, and opened the door. It did not dawn on him that he no longer needed the mantra he had learned. In his brain, it was like, that last muggy summer day, when a sudden cool wind whips through the trees, pushing clouds through like a puffy white broom, deep blue summer sky in front, light, slightly cooler blue behind. The air turns crisp, things seem alive; a long sought for clarity ensues. The muddled thoughts, depressions, and hopelessness clogging his brain were swept away and he stormed into his study with a youthful enthusiasm he had not felt for a long time.

Ms. Davis was startled. She was in the kitchen preparing his meal for the evening when she heard the door slam. It is funny how one can intuit the emotion behind a door slam. For some reason, and in some unexplainable way, an angry door slam sounds much different than a happy door slam. In both, the door is quickly pushed open wide, the inside knob is grasped with vigor, and the door is swung to on its hinges with more force than necessary. I do not know why this should be so. Ms. Davis was startled by the noise, but somehow she knew the noise emanated from one of those happy door slams.

"Ms. Davis! I am home. I will be in the study.", Donny yelled. Ms. Davis found  herself smiling as she stirred the Risotto.

"The boy has been recalled to life...it seems" she quoted her favorite novel. For the first time in three years she heard the happy man, the purposeful man, Clara had married. "Something must be going on for such a change." she thought to herself. "Well, it's about time..."

Ms. Davis continued the dinner preparations - the Risotto takes at least 45 minutes- while Donny sat at his desk, a large leather bound atlas at least 15 years old, open in front of him.

You may be wondering how a man can go from confused, lifeless, and despondent, to wide a wake, cheerful and driven, in just a matter of moments. Perhaps only those stricken with this peculiar type of melancholy can understand, but I will attempt to explain it nonetheless. Even in the most stable of personalities, sometimes, and with some people, something akin to a blurriness enters the mind's eye. Either through continued stresses or for no reason at all, the way they see the world gets out of focus. It can be described, and probably has before, as a darkness - but I do not think darkness captures it. This is not a depression where the man gives up hope and wants to end it all. It is not the deep black of "I just want it to be over" it is more like the hazy evening shade where the absence of direct light causes a blurriness. It is the grey of a resignation - an acceptance of what happens happens; it is an emotion approaching, but not quite reaching, to the "I don't care anymore".

This kind of melancholia manifests itself like a man carrying the weight of the world. He is able to carry it, indeed, he must carry it, but he's reached the stage where he no longer wants to. There is, in this, fuzzy outlook, the persistent question of "Why should I be burdened by this load? No one else seems to be under its weight." To bring this closer to home. Donny, since Clara died, finding himself essentially alone and purposeless, carried this weight around with him. When he failed to detect anyone else in his world appearing to be crushed under a similar weight, he became frustrated, despondent, like standing in the fog on a gloomy morning. This is why the straws at the coffee shop antagonized him so. This is why he could not remember which key opened which door. It is why he stopped his research. It was as if he was just waiting for something that never comes and so the initial anticipation fizzled and he was left with a sarcasm - a negativity - that starts with a kernel of hope, but instead of breaking through the ground and feeding on the sun, it withers, dies, and rots in the soil of "it will probably just get worse."

The real oddity with this mental condition - it is certainly not elation, nor is it depression - is it takes only one thing to cause the melancholy mind to snap out of it. Even the smallest of things can do the trick. A homeowner struggling with the plumbing can find himself in this state but then by some chance or through the aid of a helping hand, things start going right, the leak stops leaking, the mixing valve starts mixing, the toilet starts flushing, and in an instant the fog clears and a destination comes into view. Essentially, snapping out of it is simple. And it comes down to two very different emotionally charged words. Accomplishment and Purpose.

In just an instant, Donny snapped out of it. Something as simple as an article in a newspaper and a cross-stitched bible verse cleared the fog. He suddenly allowed himself to remember his Accomplishments (his research to that point) and his Purpose (finding a unified answer to life's persistent questions). In this he did not forget Clara, his loss of respect in the scientific community, these simply became a part of a larger purpose. Something clicked, something gave him hope, and he walked around this monolithic melancholy, developed by tragedy in his own life, for a new perspective. He had to get back to work - not to save mankind or solve its mysteries, but for his dead wife. A simple change in attitude, I know, but powerful nonetheless.

As I mentioned before, Donny had pulled an old atlas out of one of his many book cases and was studying the large map of the United States as it lay out like a crinkled, stained treasure map upon the desk of an adventurer. Ms. Davis poked her silver haired head into the study, saw him intently engaged, and without asking, decided to bring him his dinner on a tray. It had been some time, she remarked to herself, since she had seen him work with enthusiasm.

The map Donny had laid out before him, in addition to the wrinkles and coffee stains, bore marks, made in red, of the cities where Spontaneous Human Combustion had taken place - Cleveland, Minneapolis, Des Moines, Decatur Georgia, Richmond Kentucky and others were marked with a red dot that had turned purplish over time. He removed a red magic marker from the pen holder neatly aligned on the top right corner of the desk and made two marks - one was a star top dead center of Louisville KY (Summer), the other in Perryville Arkansas, just 45 miles west of Little Rock Arkansas. There. He thought to himself. Now what? Still no pattern. No repeat cities but two within three months of each other. What did these two have in common with each other? What did these two have in common, if anything, with the others that preceded them? He opened up his journal which he had removed from the back pack and in between bites of baked chicken and wild mushroom risotto, he read deep into the night.

The next morning was bitterly cold. It was that kind of cold that begs for snow. Somehow on days like this, Donny thought to himself, snow would make the cold a little more bearable. He had just popped awake where he was still seated in the over sized leather armchair in his study. The raging fire in the fireplace from the night before had burned down to a slightly warm pile of ash covering a few hot coals. The room had a chill but snuggled under the woven string blanket he had pulled over himself when the room got cold, he was comfortable, content, unwilling to move. So to, the raging fire he had experienced the day before when his world once again caught its purposeful flame, had subsided and he now had entered that realm in the mind where just a few ashes and hot coals simmered, but the cold realization that he had no more fuel to pile upon the hearth and the fear of it dying out completely worried him. It took very little time for the feeling that his new found excitement from the day before was just a mind game he had played with himself. He was still a long way from finding the answers he was looking for. Doubt entered in and tried to convince him that an answer within the realm of science and what science could discover was impossible. Could it be, he asked him self, from under that blanket, that this is all just a leap of faith? 

He felt that the unified answer he was looking for was out there to be found but he was not quite ready to place that answer in the hands of a faith he had drifted away from. And because of this, he was still not quite ready to ask Someone for a sign. He remembered the testing of God that Gideon had used in the Old Testament. The stubborn scientist was beginning to replace the despairing, humbled man. It was a feeling that filled him, at the same time, with comfort and dread. Still, he felt someone or something leading him to talk to the One who was not there. And when his mind drifted in this direction, the scientist in him, pulled back, gently, and then more fiercely.

It was then that the mail man, bundled from head to toe trudged past the bay window of the study, clomping in his big fur lined boots up the steps, sweeping the chin straps of his faux fur lined postman's cap with the ear flaps back over his shoulder. He opened the brass mail slot and dropped two items through onto the floor of the foyer. Donny struggled with the decision to stay in the warm ball of blanket and leather he had coiled up in or brave the brisk chill in the house to retrieve the mail. In the end he decided to throw the blanket off. He rose and quickly stirred up the fire place adding some kindling and a couple of small logs. He slipped on his shoes, wedging in his feet according to custom, laces still tied and walked to the foyer to pick up the mail.

Even though he did not ask for it - his scientist mind won that battle of faith - he immediately and without his own doing spoke these words in his mind, "Well, I guess I have my answer." The bare hint of a "Thank you" escaped his lips. This embarrassed him. Who was he talking to anyway?

He held in his hands a newspaper, the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette and a postcard. The front page of the former ran this headline - "Hog Fan Disappearance A Mystery" and upon the latter a picture from 1957 of War Memorial Stadium in Little Rock.

The news story, without the benefit of being there, described, in much less detail, the circumstances surrounding Kenny Dumas, after he had left the Miracle on Markham and combusted in his truck while listening to the end of the game in the parking lot. On the flip side of the postcard, in an elegant hand, was written this:

Dr. Mackey,

We have a mutual interest and a mutual history. Silence for so long and now 4.
Respond to the address below if you would like to locate the human soul.

Remember Louisville, Little Rock, Perryville, and Clara.

HS
PO Box 1302A
Little Rock AR 70221



"Four?" he said out loud. "What is this? Who is this?".

A nervous ball formed in his stomach as read and re-read the post card and the article. The article stated that there had been a total of three instances of spontaneous human combustion in the last 4 months with two happening within a 60 mile radius of each other - something of an anomaly according to Donny's research journals. The post card mentioned the number four and mysteriously the name of his wife. What could it mean?

Donny was thrust back into a passion. He was not one for mystery or suspense in real life. In the lab, it was what made his work exciting - would the hypothesis be proven true? But in real life, mystery meant danger to him. Real life was not controlled like his lab experiments were. He tucked the paper into the front of his latest journal, the post card wrapped up inside it and he headed to the kitchen where Ms. Davis was making him hot coffee, buttered toast, and a ham and cheese omelet.

The following days ensued with the general routine - Donny reading, sleeping, pacing like a child bored in a playroom full of toys. The mail man came. The mail man trudged up the steps. The mail man dropped a postcard through the mail slot. Donny picked up the post card - always another scene from Little Rock Arkansas on one side and the gracefully scrawled note on the back. Always the same, or nearly so.

Remember Louisville, Little Rock, Perryville, and Clara, followed by the return address HS, PO Box 1302A, Little Rock AR 70221.


Each day followed the next as the minutes Donny sat reading and re-reading his journals, turned into hours, which, in turn, evolved into days. By the time he awoke from the routine it was Saturday night once again and as Ms. Davis straightened up Donny's study as he sat there at his desk, pouring over maps, hastily written notes, and newspaper articles, she asked him the question she had asked him every Saturday night.

"Mr. Donny? You going to Church with me tomorrow?"

This question had been answered many times before, with a polite but definite, "No, no thank you, Ms. Davis." The answer Donny gave was one born of despair, anger, or perhaps fear. Even at his most stubborn, most scientific of times, he still could not shake the very real possibility that there was a God and that he did take an active part in the world and in his own life. And, indeed, this time around, Donny formed the beginning of these words again, then looked at Mrs. Davis, and in an instant, thought to himself, "What could it hurt? I'm not doing anything here. What are those postcards? I guess I could go. It's just an hour." All of these thoughts rushed upon his mind, seemingly all at once, in a cloud of confusion.

This is not unlike what the author experiences every Sunday morning around 8:30 AM. All the excuses he has for not attending services rush upon him and on those mornings when he and his lovely wife do make it to church, the deciding factor is usually one of two things. First, it's only an hour. Second, I'll probably feel better. Oh, the ambivalence of modern man! Where has the man gone, that desperately seeks the One in which the Universe does consist!? Reader, if you find him. Get to know that man!

Donny began to feel, upon his chest, that pressure he felt the nights of the week before, alone in his study, refusing to ask for help, to ask for a sign, trying to get to the answer of the human life lost in flame, Clara, the post cards, his three year daze, why the straws at the coffee shop don't work, from within the reasoning of his mind. It was, dare I say it, that still small voice, almost inducing him to call out - Oh God! Where am I and where do I need to go to get back to you! He felt that pressure, heavy upon him again, and in a pitched battle between his scientist and his philosopher and his priest, made his decision.

"Yes. Mrs. Davis. I would be happy to. 11 AM?"

"11 AM. Your clothes are ready and hanging in the closet upstairs."

Mrs. Davis, raised her eyes to the heavens as she left the study, raised them in gratitude and relief. Her persistence had paid off. You see, Mrs. Davis, too, had felt that pressing sensation in her chest every Saturday night as she struggle within her mind, against her reason, whether to ask Donny to church, one more time again. Now Donny, as he continued to sit after this brief but tiring conversation, wondered how Mrs. Davis knew he would be going to church with her.



*    *     *

Sunday morning dawned bright. The newly fallen snow, still unmarked by foot or tires lay in a thick blanket upon the ground. The eerie quiet that accompanies a new snow in the early morning brought a sense of peace and relaxation to Donny as he dressed. As he waited for Ms. Davis to call that she was ready, he sat at his desk and sorted back through the strange postcards he had collected over the last few weeks. Always the same message. Always the same handwriting. And always the same reaction, the same questions. But this time, in this stasis of silence, warmth of his study, brightness of the sun reflecting off the snow into his bay window, Donny decided to respond.

He addressed a letter to the PO Box in Little Rock Arkansas, expressing his desire to make contact with the mystery person that reminded him of the last 3 locations of combustion and Clara. Clara? How did this person know Clara? And what did Clara have to do with the whole thing. He asked himself these questions as he wrote. He signed the letter, folded it in the traditional style - a lost art in this current age - bottom folded up 1/3 of the way and the top folded down overlapping, so that the recipient could withdraw the letter from the envelope and naturally open it up ready to read.  He addressed the envelope, affixed the stamp, and placed it in his jacket pocket. He would mail it, he thought, at the mail box he would pass on the way home from church. It was just then that the front door opened and Ms. Davis, who lived just up the street, came in stomping the snow from her overshoes.

Ms. Davis took Donny's arm as they made their way down the street towards the small chapel where services were being held. As they walked, Donny was lost in thought, and secretly planning his trip to meet the mystery lady in Little Rock. He had made the determination that the sender of the post cards was a woman for some reason, though there was little to suggest one way or the other. The handwriting was elegant but benign. No other clues presented themselves and the scrawl could have easily been made by a fifty year old, ham fisted truck driver with a classical education as a woman, full of grace. As they passed the mail box, Donny stopped, excused himself from Ms. Davis' arm and dropped in the letter.

"So you're going to go then?" she asked.

Donny asked himself, "how does she know these things?"

And as if hearing his thoughts aloud, Ms. Davis, "Mr. Donny, Clara asked me to take care of you, that's just what I am doing and I think you should go. It will be an adventure. You have enough money, it would be a shame not to use it, while sitting in your study for the rest of your life."

They looked at each other as if to say a mutual "I know. Thank you." They rejoined arms and slowly, like a four legged bundle of wool, continued their walk.

*   *   *

It is here that we leave Ms. Davis and Donny on their way to church and follow the letter. The mail box flap had been hard to open, it being frozen shut. But once opened it had been dropped to the bottom of the box. The label on the flap showing a 9:00 AM pick up for Monday morning. And as the letter relaxed atop the small pile of letters in the box, Donny relaxed. "Sometimes, you have to do something to find the reason for it" Donny paraphrased one of his favorite authors, John Le Carre, in The Perfect Spy. Action is sometimes the best way to remove doubt and fear, even if it asks more questions than one started out with. And as the letter sat, the scientist/philosopher/priest grew in his confidence. Just as that letter door in the mail box was once stuck and the forced open by an outside hand, Donny's spirit, once frozen shut, was opened with a forceful tug, and now, for the first time in a long, long time, he felt hope, excitement, contentment, and peace. We'll see what happens to Donny and Ms. Davis on this bright chilly Sunday morning in a moment.


The flap in the mail box opened up again on Monday morning. It had, once again, frozen in the night after a day of sunshine had thawed around its lip and hinges. A small sliver of sunlight made its way through the opening and shone upon Donny's letter resting there atop the pile.
A few more letters were deposited and had fallen on top. These letters were dropped by an accountant on his way to his office downtown and are of no consequence to this story. Within just a few minutes after this last deposit, the tumbler in the lock was sprung by the post man, turned, and the main door of the blue mail box was opened. All the letters scraped out of the bin into a large plastic post office bin. The post man, loaded the bin into his truck and made his way to the processing center as this was his last pick up stop before proceeding with the deliveries for the neighborhood for the day - which, in this part of town, is made on foot.

Just a few hours after this clump of mail is deposited at the center, a small, intricate journey along scanners, conveyors, and slots and bags, and trucks Donny's letters, and all those heading to the mid west were loaded on semi-trailers for their journeys to their destinations.

Truck number 4755, marked Boston-Memphis, an older Peterbilt, driven by a large man in a flannel shirt, with low grade narcolepsy, pulled onto the express way. We now follow this journey to Little Rock Arkansas.
*   *   *

According to the Historic Arkansas Museum, http://www.historicarkansas.org/, there is a reason why the wild west was wild - a reasonable explanation for how the relatively high class residents of the original 13 colonies, as they moved westward, became more and more rugged, single-minded, stubborn, and, dare I say, uncivilised. While genetics and how they inform our responses to hardship, wealth, or the lack thereof which insulates us from or exposes us to difficulties do play a part, neither plays as significant a role in this phenomenon - The Wild West - as the geography of our great land.

One sees this in what I call Century Lines, where they fall, who congregated along them, and who did not. Follow the geography, the etymology (the names settlers gave to their new towns) and one can see how attitudes, lifestyles, and moral codes were developed with ramifications that travel down the river of time to the delta of our own day.

The Peterbilt, truck 4755, from Boston immediately crossed one of those century lines leaving towns that were established before the American Revolution, the architechture, the cobblestoned or brick paved streets, too narrow for the truck carrying this all too important letter were left behind. The original settlers of this area, not to minimize their courage or the hardships they endured, stopped westward expansion, not because they felt they had discovered enought room for their population, but because they ran into natural obstacles that they either were too tired to overcome or there were few among them willing to leave the group and set out on their own.

These obstacles took the form of ominous mountains, that perhaps, reminded them of their home country, rivers, which, difficult to cross, provided natural boundaries to them - a "we made it this far, and that's good enough philosophy - similar to the amatuer accountant who rounds up or down to a nice "round figure". I you notice the major cities of our times, the population centers that grew full of immigrants who all shared this philosophy of "this is good enough",  they are almost always nestled up along the east slop of a mountain range or along the eastern banks of a, then, uncrossable body of water. This century line, the western border of the original 13 colonies, cuts through Pittsburgh southward along the Appalachians on the western borders of Virginia, North Carolina, and Georgia, through Florida to the Gulf of Mexico. It was a little more than 10 hours on the snowy, sometimes, icy interstates before the letter we are following eeked its way through Pittsburgh, the first century line, and into Ohio, the beginning of the second epoch of westward expansion by the second generation of settlers of America.

This second century line, that of the late 18the and early 19th centuries, terminates along the Ohio River in places like Cincinnati, Louisville, and Paducah. Again, it can be seen in the museums, the architecture, and in the historicity of the locales, this second wave of western expansion ended with the next mass of humanity hitting the Ohio River barrier and saying, "That's Good Enough!". George Roger's Clark must have thought this to himself as he built his cabin on the eastern banks of the river just a few miles north of the Falls of the Ohio. In fact, by the time Mr. Clark grew into an elderly statesman, he had moved to Locust Grove just northeast of what is now downtown Louisville, and died there a financially spoiled, bitter old man - having funded wars and exploration from his own pocket, with no remuneration of our esteemed federal government for him or his descendants.

In another 8 hours our letter will be trucked into Louisville accomplishing what thos early settlers could not. When population centers along the eastern sea board became restless, when the most reclusive, wild, and stubborn among them grew tired of the crowds, the regulations, and the hoity-toity-ness of big city life, they decided to move on - increase their land holdings, start a new more self sufficient life. So they set out west from states like New York, Massachussetts, and others to find space. When they hit that obstacle and thought, well this is as far as I am going to go, they settled there, in states like Kentucky, Alabama, and Mississippi south of the Ohio River, and in states like Ohio, Indiana, and Illinois north of the Ohio.

As these river cities grew into population centers and hubs of commerce, the more adventurous Americans, much like our letter which is now crossing the I64 bridge out of Louisville into Indiana, packed up their lives and headed west until they reached the next big obstacle to check their progress, the Ole Grandad, Big Muddy, the Mighty Mississippi.

St. Louis, the gateway to the West, was settled as if the groups of people crossed the Mississippi and were so worn out they could not take another step, decided to pitch a tent for the night, ended up staying the week, and eventually made the west bank of the big river their permanent home. It is here, that our letter takes a slight left hand turn and floats upon 18 wheels and air-shocks down I55 into northern Arkansas towards Memphis. Just 5 hours later, a sharp right onto I40 West ushers our letter towards the great west, the land of prairies and deltas. We've entered into another epoch of settlement.  We've crossed another century line into the Wild West.

Hopefully, this picture of westward expansion, explains the psyche of the frontier states. Only the wildest, most stubborn of early Americans made it this far. A pioneer setting out from the east coast in the mid to late 18th century had to cross no less than 2 mountain ranges and 3 large rivers. Many gave up and settled, the most stubborn pressed on culminating in the settlement of Fort Smith Arkansas, the roughest town in the west; the home of the Hanging Judge Roy Bean. A monniker apropos even to this day.

Our letter did not make the trip to the Oklahoma-Arkansas border town, but if you do, check out the National Park and tour the court house and gallows where dozens were hung. Something mysterious lurks there. Something, outside of this world, whether good or evil, or perhaps those are just labels we give to unexplained things in the universe. And good simply means the mysterious that happens to benefit me or bring me comfort and evil describes the mystery that causes me pain or discomort. Regardless, this brings us full circle. And just as Donny's letter went on a journey through centuries of growth, struggle, failure, acquiescence, triumph, despondency, stubborness, resignation, and struggle, Donny, in microcosm, was about to cross that mountain range, that river, that obstacle that stood in his way to what the settlers of the American west, eventually, called home.




Friday, October 12, 2012

Combustible-Chapter 7- Century Lines

Century Lines

Part I



I've realized that I've brought Donny, quite a long way, on his journey, of reawakening without really relating who he is. And as I've tried to describe before; one can tell a lot about a man by looking at his shoes - but one can also tell much more about a man by looking into his home. It is there I take you now as he is continuing his walk past Bunker Hill - with a big goofy grin greeting all those he passes by. We still have a few moments before he turns the corner, labors up the hill, and then recites his mantra - "Red Door, Red Key...Grey Door, Grey Key"

It was bought by the Mackey's in the early 1989. It was a two story Georgian structure, red brick, black shutters, and a ubiquitous red door with brass knocker. It had been divided into four rental apartments, two on each floor and positioned to either side of the central stair case. It had been stripped of all character and painted rental home egg-shell white. Pictures were removed, cheap fixtures in the apartment kitchens and baths were installed, outlets were sloppily painted over in the landlord's haste to fill a vacancy. The multi level chimneys, at either end of the house, with stacked hearths along the outside walls, were capped off and gas heaters, the cheapest they could find, were installed, the richly colored, if not tattered and worn, window dressings were removed and given to a local charity or thrown in the garbage, and replaced by inexpensive plastic blinds. Chandeliers and sconces were replaced by two dollar light fixtures - those devoid of globes and operated by pull strings. Paint chips and cracks caused by the old house settling during winter freezes and spring thaws were not repaired, they were just plastered over and painted with a fresh coat of egg-shell white - and only the plaster was painted so that each apartment appeared to have zig-zagging stripes up and down the walls and across the ceilings. To enter the home, visitors, when visitors still used to come, walked up four broad steps to the landing, decorated, by Clara, according to the season from the day they moved in. Upon entering the door, the visitor, found himself in a small ante-room or foyer that was in varying degrees of renovation, depending on the time of the year. The house, beginning with this entrance that looked upon a wide stair case in the middle of the hall and slightly curving on its ascent to the second floor, had been stripped of its personality, its character, and its historicity. In this cloistered North Boston neighborhood, just blocks from the famous North Church, could have been, upon first look, any other two story apartment building conversion in any town. Clara changed that, room by room, hall by hall, project by project.

Clara was ill by this time and she didn't know that Donny knew it. In the renovation of this, their first owned home, she found energy, enthusiasm, and a modicum of health. Donny let her have free reign. He had started with a new research firm and once the paychecks started arriving, he gave Clara the severance settlement he had received to do what she wanted. And, lo, did she do just that.

The foyer was her first project - it being the most important as the first thing visitors would see. She sanded and primed the walls, stripped the moulding, sills, and door down to the original wood. She sanded the floor, almost single-handedly, with a second, or third hand, floor buffer equipped with a sanding pad. New paint, a sage green, eventually covered the walls, the trim re stained with a light stain allowing the grain of the cherry wood to shine through. The windows were scraped and cleaned, re glazed, the sills were stained like the rest of the trim and the floor refinished to a high gloss so that it looked as though it was covered in 3 inches of water. A large print of a stag, staring nobly across a valley, The Monarch of the Glen, was hung on one wall and a large mirror on the other. Under the stag, an umbrella holder and coat rack, both of cherry, stood to welcome them home, or wish a visitor well. Under the mirror, a long narrow table, also of cherry ran the length of the wall. Upon the table, a reed basket for storing keys, gloves, and other sundries, and a collection of boxes of assorted size and grain surrounding a large vase of painted pottery to hold Clara's regular purchases of cut flowers from a local market.

The room to the left, if one were standing in this foyer facing the staircase, had been gutted and renovated into a large kitchen and informal dining room. It now had new light fixtures in keeping with the early 19th century aesthetic. The fire places in what used to be two rooms, were uncapped, the gas fixtures removed, and put back into use. The wall separating the two rooms was removed to create a long hall with the kitchen along the back wall of the house - a modern kitchen - with a huge island in the center - a fire place to one side, a bar to the other, and then a huge bank of cabinetry and counter tops to the rear. The rest of the hall included a large dark grained dining room table, handed down from her parents when they passed on. Upon the table a modest linen table cloth. A large Turkish carpet, colors of cream, deep ruby red, and dark and light blues covered the floor and eight matching chair, with tan cushions surrounded the table. A large front window offered a view of the slightly sloping front lawn and the street. The fire places kept the massive hall warm in spite of its 10ft ceilings. The now smoothed and repainted walls were decorated with a series of paintings from an artist in Corinth Mississippi, and acquaintance made when the artist and Clara were filling an internship with a Catholic Mission in Ecuador. Positioned symmetrically in this "new" long hall now comprising the kitchen and dining rooms were prints and originals, in water color and oils, pencil sketches, charcoal and other media depicting the artists blossoming faith. The first, the right of the fireplace mantle, was a dark charcoal work in an equally dark, yet austere, coiled frame and grey matte. The scene is a large oaken table, the grain of the wood looks rough and gouged with age. A young woman, bearing a striking resemblance to the artist herself, is seated at the table, her head tilted slightly and resting upon her palm. One can almost feel the splinters from the table digging into her elbow. Behind her a great stone wall, drawn in intricate detail, a window opening out into a barren field.

The woman's hair is pulled back into a ponytail and she is reading a book which is laid open, without being held, on the table. And in that magnificent ability of art, one can almost read the words on the open pages at first glance. But a second look shows the artist's ability to make the viewer think there are actual words on the page. At any rate, there is no doubt, that the book she is reading is an open Bible. The two equally spaced columns divided by a vertical line on each page, the page numbers and chapter and verse headings give it away. This dark work was entitled "Time to Reconsider" and was one of Clara's favorites - she loved them all, but this one spoke to her, perhaps because she had bought it during her own spiritual re-awakening.

Equally spaced around the hall were others, to the right of "Time to Reconsider" was a much happier watercolor. A scene of six small blue and grey sailboats tied to a pier, some with mast and sail up some stowed away. Each was equipped with what looks like an oriental paper lantern at each stern. The contrast between the deep blues and shallow grays, the slightly accented ripples upon the water, that isn't really there, leads the viewer to believe in the existence of the smooth lake on a bright sunny day.

To it's right and now on the opposite wall from the first were two prints, again, equally spaced, both in colors of maroon and white contrasted in black. Both were in rosewood frames, tastefully turned. The first of these, untitled, was of what is believed to be the artists hand right hand, grasping an over sized black and silver, No. 8 paint brush which had been dipped in crimson. Though static in the painting, the artist was able to give it the slightest indication of moving forward as if to apply paint to the canvas, or perhaps moving back away after applying the pigment to the stark white background. In the center of the canvas was an outstretched hand, palm up. It was impossible to tell, if it were the hand of a man or a woman, certainly not a child's. The perspective supplied by the artist was such that the palm seemed to curve outward toward the viewer. In the center of the canvas and thus, in the center of this outstretched mystery palm was a large crimson wound. An obvious conclusion to make is that the artist herself had caused the wound. There is no indication of who was wounded. There was no title. There was no other identifying mark. But Clara thought she knew and Donny, would have to admit, that he shed a tear upon seeing the work for the first time. Donny actually convinced Clara to pay the asking price.

The companion to this untitled and powerful work was another untitled painting, dressed in maroon, white, and black. A small girl - the artist had 5 girls of her own - was seated on a floor that was not there upon a stark white canvas. She was drawn in crisp black outlines. Many times artists can achieve the most intricate details with very little by using the viewers imagination. This minimalist approach was effective in that one could "see" the girl was absolutely beautiful and absolutely innocent. She had a large book - again a recurring theme! - on her lap open. She was reading it. The heading at the top of the page read "Galatians 5:6".  The referenced text runs thus:

"For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love."

And again, when viewing this painting, one gets the impression that one can actually read the words off of the page, when a second look, shows otherwise.

A series of other works by this artist continued around the room. Some depicting Ecuadorians - the artist eventually become full time missionaries in Quito. Some were more fanciful. There was a charcoal work of a woman, seated in a window, playing a lute, an oil of women from differing cultures a departure from the charcoal and black and red contrasts of earlier works, this one was full of colors delicately but boldly used. There was a charcoal depiction of the inside of Noah's Ark, from the inside looking out through the door, presumably, after the floods had abated. Other smaller works filled wall space along the remainder of the hall until one arrived back to the fireplace mantle and the coup de grace of the entire experience. Just to the left of the mantle, painted on Egyptian reed papyrus was a depiction of the life of Christ as seen through the Old and New Testaments.  At each corner an angel, head bowed, and wings displayed in a posture of reverence, knelt as if in prayer, all turned in at a 45 degree angle towards the center - of which I will arrive to presently. Between each corner vertically and horizontally, between the bowing angels were painted scenes, made to look antique with the colors the artist chose, as if the scenes were lifted from middle eastern stone. The scenes were placed around the perimeter of the painting creating a scenic frame depicting the rebuilding of Jerusalem, Solomon's Temple, The Birth of Christ, His Baptism, and His Triumphal Entry seated on an ass. Within this border was a rich royal blue field, rectangular on the vertical. In corners of this field, in Greek, were

the four designations or symbols for the Christian God. The Alpha and Omega in the upper left. The Anchor/Cross in the top right. Then on the bottom right, the traditional Christian Cross and finally on the bottom left the Icthus - the fish - standing upright.

The center of this painting, within the scenic border, upon the blue field, nestled in an around the four symbols was the image of a very middle eastern looking young woman her dark black hair and olive skin enshrouded in a tan and brown cloak. Her head was cocked to her right shoulder and in her arms she was cuddling a small infant. The scene is tender and powerful, modern and historical, peaceful and shocking - to North American sensibilities. It is called The Unknown God an obvious reference to the Apostle Paul's sermon on Mars Hill as described in Acts 17:23 and possibly a more subtle reference to other words Christ had used about how even though we've been told over and again - we humans would not believe him if God came down himself. The painting had a history of its own. A local church in Corinth Mississippi decided to get into the art game, ostensibly to help attract new members. They committed to display, and sell when they could, art made by local artists. The artist of The Unknown God submitted this painting to the church leadership. They denied her request,  stating, "If that's Mary - she looks too middle eastern. It would offend some of our members."

Upon hearing the story, Clara paid the price for this original work. It was the crown jewel of the main hall.

As we continue through the bottom floor of the house, we now move into the utility area adjoining the kitchen through a communicating swinging door. This area, though out of sight to most visitors, was also tastefully done in the blue and yellow of French Provincial, and housed a utility room and renovated bath in two smaller rooms separated by a thin wall that Donny and Clara built on their own one weekend. In the utility closet were the washer and dryer and a small pantry with hooks hanging down supporting wire baskets of potatoes, onions, beets, winter squash, and garlic.

We now move upstairs where an additional bath was installed, a larger one communicating directly with the master bedroom in the south east corner of the home. There was another room adjacent to the bath but there was no door between. One had to leave this spare bedroom and walk into the master bedroom to access it. "Not ideal", Clara had said to herself, "but one works with what one has." She really talked that way. The other two rooms were another spare bedroom decorated in blues and greens and a larger family room with the television set and the sofa on which Donny had watched the Miracle on Markham last weekend.

I've saved the best for last. And, much shortened the description of the rest of the house, because we are just now getting to the room that provides a glimpse into the soul of our hero. Leave the family room, turn off the TV and the lights, we're not going to be in there for a while, walk with me down the staircase to the entrance of this magnificent home. Facing the door, now, turn left ninety degrees. There is a door, kept closed, open it and walk in. This is Donny's study. This room is a part of Donny. This is where he napped, where he read, where he wrote, where he sat and thought and stared up and the ceiling. This is where he smoked, when he used to smoke, this is where he dreamed, this is where he hid, this is where he exorcised his demons, wrung out his periodic depressions. This is where he talked to Clara now that she was gone. This is where he mourned her death. This is where he relaxed. This is where he was home.

The room was darkened - dimly lit- to be precise. The walls were painted a deep red. A darkly stained wainscoting surrounded the room, its circumference punctuated by book cases along the eastern wall, windows in front, leather chairs, the door, more book cases.  A large desk sat in the center facing a small leather divan, both resting on thick deep red carpet. The desk was extraordinarily organized, unlike his office downtown, he protected this room as a priest protects a sanctuary. Everything reverentially in its place. A large heavy blotter pad sat centered on the highly polished surface. A phone, land-line, to the right, a banker's lamp, one of the few light sources in the room, was centered along the front edge of the desk. A small cup, fashioned out of a piece of cedar, hollowed out and darkly varnished held an assortment of Cross pens and mechanical pencils. In the center drawer, a small stack of notepads to the left and the right, held in place refills for the pens and pencils, paper clips, staples, and other office supplies. The only other light in the room, other than the natural light from the front window, when the blinds were opened, was a floor lamp, brushed bronze with a red shade marked the point in the northwest corner of the room where the book cases started. Short one, tall ones, long ones zig-zagged up and down like the Boston skyline all the way around the room. Along the eastern wall sandwiched in by the book cases to either side was the last fireplace to be described in the house. The mantle was of an ornate work carved out of a dark heavy wood. Clara always thought it was mahogany. The deep colors represented in the grain of this dense wood, ranging from red to brown to purple and black depending on the light, made her think it so. It had been hand carved, it appeared, with ornate leaf work around the top edge, punctuated by two cherubim at opposite corners along the front edge, both kneeling reverently, wings stretched forward in submission, covering their unseen faces. Above the mantle hung a poster Clara had bought for him framed in a black plastic poster frame. It was bright red with large white letters. At the top of the poster was a representation of the crown jewels, also in white. The text read "Keep Calm and Carry On". This poster was the only frivolity inhabiting Donny's study. Everything else was serious, comfortable, but serious. Serious books lined serious book shelves. Serious furniture was scattered across the serious floor. Even the lighting was serious - mysterious really. Who doesn't feel a certain sense of gravity fall upon them when entering an orderly, ancient looking, darkened room? Donny felt a sense of comfort in this darkened hideaway. One might say it was his attempt to return to the comfort of his mother's womb. Clara had free reign in redecorating their home and she did a masterful job. It was bright, crisp, and comfortable to a degree. The study was Donny's and she followed his lead in this room. And while she could never bring herself to completely shut down - sitting and doing nothing was a physical impossibility for her - she understood that inactivity was one of Donny's particular talents. Donny could sit in this room, depending on the day or the stresses of the day, and work feverishly or sit and stare and do and think absolutely nothing.

It is now time to rejoin our hero on his hurried walk back to his home, his study. He left his office as we have seen deciding to forego his stop at the coffee shop. He had been walking for 30 minutes or so when he realized that instead of turning right on Boyston Street for HayMarket and then the 3 mile walk across the Charlestown Bridge home, he had turned left onto Hemenway past the Boston Fens and Fenway Park complex and veered to the right on Huntington Avenue. When he awoke from this excited daze he was in he was standing in front of the Boston Museum of Fine Arts. He remembered Clara's obsession with "What, Whence, Whither", Gauguin's philosophical work that always brought her to tears. They had made good use of their annual membership to the museum and perhaps Donny's arrival at this spot could best be described like this.

Analytical minds function best when strict compartments are constructed in their brains. This helps them cope with stresses, traumas, boredom, all ranges of emotions. Even epochs in the lives of these analysts are compartmentalized and assigned value based on the pleasantries, dullnesses, or traumas associated with those periods in time. For Donny, perhaps, the walk through downtown Boston with Clara, a walk they made together many times over the years, had been labelled "Pleasant", stored in the Clara compartment and the stowed away after she had died. Donny then entered a new period of his life that was, in its turn, compartmentalized, labelled and stowed - maybe "Depression" or "Sadness" is the label he placed on this current box or file drawer he was now living in. Perhaps, just perhaps, when he awoke in his office just a little over half an hour ago, he had unconsciously closed the Depression Box, stowed it under his emotional bed, and pulled out the Clara Pleasant box for nostalgia's sake and immediately reverted to the habit of turning left on Hemenway, with Clara on his arm, walking through Fenway Park to the Museum. At any rate, here he was. His annual membership expired. There was nothing for it but to turn around and now walk in the right direction the four miles home.

What awaited him there is yet to be seen. We do know, that Ms. Davis had just arrived, as Donny was realizing his directional snafu, and was preparing a small dinner for him. He changed his mind when he reached Haymarket -Finally! and ordered a iced Americano complete with dysfunctional straw to help him get home.




Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Combustible Chapter 6 - Salt and Bananas



Salt and Bananas

Jaime was trying to do the math in her head. She was out of salt and really wanted one bunch of bananas. But with the 40 dollars she had in her pocket she wasn't sure if she could swing it. It was Monday, just three days after payday and the two $20.00 bills were all she had left after rent, utilities, lunches, the babysitter, and a "new" pair of shoes, bought from the Goodwill off of Pat Booker Road. At least they were "new" to her. With four days till her next pay check, Jaime, standing in line at the HEB Grocery in San Antonio, was weighing her options. The facts and figures ran through her head much more quickly than I can describe them to you:

"Gas tank = 3/4 full
Diapers stocked.
Baby food in the cart = $10.95 + 8% sales tax (why do they tax food anyway?)
Bananas = $1.19
Salt = $.89

That's about $14.00 and I still haven't bought formula, FHP, and eggs for the kids for breakfast this weekend, and then there's the supply fee due for the preschool, and the extra $10.00 for picking the kids up late from the after school babysitter...I just don't have enough."

The single Mom had been here before, deciding what to put back on the shelf if she wanted to do what was right, but what is right? She didn't rent movies; she didn't eat out; she didn't go on dates; she didn't buy lunch at work. She had no pets - not even a gold fish. She turned off her cable back when things got really tight. She's driving around with a tail light out and the front end of the car shakes a little when she brakes. There's a leaky faucet in the bathtub which is making her water bill higher than usual. She cut her own hair and tried her best, without products she couldn't afford, to style it in as fashionable an appearance as she could, both to hide the uneven lines produced as she tried to cut the back holding a hand mirror and staring into the bathroom mirror looking over her shoulder, and to keep from getting into trouble with her appearance at her office job, where she made very little money to copy, type, file, answer phones, plan travel for the executives, and look pretty. Right now her bob-cut red hair hang limp around her worried face as she thought to herself:

"Maybe if I put half the baby food back and get some marked down hamburger. I don't guess I really need the bananas either. I really need to wash my hair and I am almost out of shampoo. Half the baby food will get me through till Thursday night, then I'll have to come here again for the rest once I get may paycheck cashed. Ah! Getting the check cashed costs me 1%. One percent of $432 is four dollars, thirty two cents. The kids have been invited to a birthday party, we're not going to be able to go - can't get a present."

She stayed in line and rolled the reality of things through her mind over and over again, as she shuffled forward as each shopper paid and moved on with their lives.

"If I leave the line to put this stuff back now, people are going to get pissed and then I'll have to stand in line again, and that will make me late picking up the kids."

She teared up in frustration. It was then she decided her kids would not go without food, nor was she going to feed them weeks old hamburger for dinner. She pulled out her check book the moment she decided her best course of action.

Now readers, this is November 2002, a time when it was still possible to participate in the activity known as "floating a check"  - a procedure, no longer possible at most establishments in this, our present day.

She felt guilty doing it. But somehow she rationalized it by distinguish between what was "right" and what was "legal". Sometime the two are mutually exclusive.

It was Monday, one week into the pay period and with just the two badly worn twenties in her purse, she wrote a check for $47.23 which, should, unless something happened between now and then, get her through till next payday - four long days away. She did this knowing that even if she deposited those twenties in the bank tomorrow morning (the banks were now all closed) she would be overdrawn by $7.23, which would result in a $25.00 overdraft fee. As the check was accepted, stamped, and stuck under the tray in the register drawer, she felt no relief. She knew she would be back again tomorrow, or perhaps she would try a different store. On Tuesday morning, after dropping the kids off at eight o'clock, she swung by the customer service desk of a Kroger's down the road from the HEB she wrote the hot check at the night before. She cashed another check for $48.00. She held that cash sacred throughout the morning at work and then during her 30 minute lunch break, she skipped her brown bag lunch, leaving it in the office fridge, and stopped by her bank. She signed the deposit slip at the desk situated in the middle of the luxurious-glass-clad building, walked gingerly to the first open teller she could find, guiltily deposited the cash. The teller gave an almost inaudible "hummph" as she pulled up Jaime's account, and no doubt, saw her balance of almost zero, logged the deposit, printed the receipt and slid it across the marble counter top, "Have a nice day" she said not without some amount of sarcasm. The same pattern would be repeated for Jaime on Wednesday, Write a Check, Cash a Check, Deposit Cash, Suffer the humility, Get...Through...The...Week... Then Thursday again and then again on Friday as she did not get her paper paycheck until 5pm every other Friday. Then Saturday morning she would need to be at the bank at 9AM to make the final deposit - her actual paycheck. If everything went right; no paper work went astray, no data entry errors were made, and if she remembered the sequence she needed to maintain she would start the pay period off, $48.00 in the hole.

If anything were to go wrong; if she couldn't make it to the bank at lunch; if the store would not cash her check because she went to the well once too often, if she forgot, for some reason, any of the steps in the sequence, she would find that she not only owed the $47.23 for the original check, but $48.00 for each subsequent check, plus the over draft fees. Let us calculate the hole Jaime had dug herself.

$47.23 + ($48.00 x 3 for the days leading up to pay day_ = $191.23, if all of the checks bounced because of a mistake add $25.00 per check x 4 checks = $100.00 in penalties for a grand total "debt" of $291.23. That's some mighty expensive baby food, bananas, salt, eggs, etc. But what else could she do? The grocers were not about to let her borrow the food with a promise to pay on Friday. Besides, the "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today" did not work for Wimpy in the Popeye comic strips. No, she did what was "right" by doing what was "illegal" and somehow she was able to justify it that way. But the justification fell far short of alleviating the tension this caused her in her life. Tension which, by the way, caused her body to perspire, her muscles to contract, her pulse to quicken - the constant state of worry depleted her body of calcium, potassium, salt, fluids. The stress, which in short durations primed the body, made it more efficient, more prepared, those enzymes and proteins, and sugars and salts, and adrenaline, is a thing of beauty when kicked into gear during short periods when they are needed. But to maintain that stress too long, depletes the body's reserves.

And now, to the importance of the salt and bananas in this sad tale. Sodium Chloride, ordinary table salt, is vital to the functioning of the human body. As is the potassium, found in the banana. Jaime's cells, those that operate the contractions that enable her muscles to leverage her bones into motion, help her walk; those cells in her brain that function so as to allow her to plan complex sequences to float checks and worry about the next bill to come in the mail, while performing the functions of her job, are dependent on the sodium chloride and potassium in her body to function. This, then, is that magnificent creation, mentioned several times already in this story - the Sodium Potassium Pump.

http://highered.mcgraw-hill.com/sites/0072495855/student_view0/chapter2/animation__how_the_sodium_potassium_pump_works.html


The transfer of the sodium and potassium across the cell membrane as it is repeated causes a minute electrical charge, or more correctly, a difference in electron potential across the cell membrane. The pump is constantly opening channels and "swapping" three positively charged sodium ions with two positively charged potassium ions in and out of the cell. This causes the electrical potential of the cell to vacillate between a positive charge and a slightly more positive charge. The resulting electrical current flow is the basis for all of life. There is little known, for instance, about the sino-atrial node depicted in diagrams for the human heart. This SA node is commonly referred to as the "natural pacemaker" of the heart. Science has endeavored to explain, where it is located and how it functions. All we know, even at this late date in our human history, is it functions on the theory of the sodium potassium pump. If this exchange is interrupted, the potential for the natural pacemaker of the heart to cease functioning, is increased. And, according to the hero of our story, all of this is simply an observation from inside the machine. And, without some outside influence or without the ability to view the workings of the machine from the "outside" the glue that holds the machine together may never be completely know. As it stands at this point in our narrative, and even in our present day, humans (a part of the natural world) "seeing" what holds that atom together and atoms together, to form cells, and cells together to form organs, and the sodium potassium pump together, to give those cells and organs function, would be like a speedometer observing the operation of the automobile, writing a paper on how it functions, and explaining how the automobile came to be. This is an impossibility. It is also the most primary question for all of human philosophical thought, religion, and science. Philosophers struggle with the question of why. Science struggles with the question of how. And religion struggles with the questions who. In this sense, Donny was philosopher, scientist, and priest. As he worked his way home from the office after four or five more minutes of staring at the framed needle work over his door - "In Him All Things Consist" - the question of the sodium-potassium pump once again, began to dominate his thoughts. A small seed of a purpose was sprouting and reaching for the sunshine of reality that had been eclipsed by the sudden darkness into which he was thrust. It was his musings of all of these things, a renewed spark of desire to continue his search, and perhaps the thought that maybe the answer was still out there, that caused him to skip his afternoon stop at the coffee shop and his pitched battle with flimsy straws. Halfway over the Charlestown Bridge, he stopped. Looked to his right at the US Constitution, the oldest active war ship in the naval fleet, docked there - the first time he had done so in over a year. And like a young child, he marvelled at the crisp black and white paint, the rigging upon which sailors clung with buckets of whitewash and tar. The flags adorning the masts and the decks, the noise of the city. His heart leapt with joy and excitement as he looked down between his feet through the grating to the water below. His heart raced, his face became flushed, his pulse quickened, his breath grew short. A smile appeared across his face causing his scraggly beard to bunch up on his cheeks, exposing two rows of imperfect, coffee stained teeth. He felt alive, his humor resurfaced,

"My little pumps are working full steam ahead now..." he said to himself. He then continued his walk, where before it was a lethargic slog of one foot in front of the other, it was now a brisk, energetic stride taken by a man who had been recalled to life.

This was the importance of salt and bananas.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Combustible- Chapter 5- Clara

Donny  dreamed about her. Most of his recent day, the argument over the straws, the walk over the Charlestown bridge, the heavy weight of his pack played no part in his mind. It was rare that the past entered into his thinking at all. In fact, most would swear that Donny didn't think. He was just the weird guy wearing a bow tie, carrying a knapsack, talking to himself. But tonight he dreamed of his dear Clara who he would see no more.  He dreamed of a time when he was a graduate student at Louisiana State University and Clara was a cheerleader for the football team. Their brief engagement and then quickly following marriage had people confused. She was a beauty; he was a dump. When asked how she ended up with the bookish, frumpy physics major, she would say things like "Don't believe all the fairytales. Eventually the smart cheerleaders end up with the geniuses most of the time."

Sometimes, without even knowing why we do it, we make preparations. It could be something as simple as mindlessly tossing a little used map into the glove box. Then when lost, pulling it out and telling yourself, "I sure am glad I put this map in the car." We may even get ourselves a little too much credit, "I sure am glad I was so smart as to put this map in the car." Sometimes its for big things and sometimes a lot of thought is put into the preparation. If the advanced planning is needed there is a sigh of relief; if not there is no big loss and we can take comfort just in knowing we were prepared.

Clara made such preparations months, even years, before her illness. She, the cheerleader, the socialite, had married a genius, it is true. But he was a genius not without his flaws. And in some ways, she was much more intelligent when it came to the things of real life. Clara knew she was ill, she wrote in a diary, 3 years before she was finally diagnosed with a rare form of lukemia. Alas, she did not tell her husband. He, who relied on her for everything - clothes to wear, paying the bills, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even pointing him in the right direction as he left for his walk to work everyday. She had set up a trust fund using the value of a life insurance policy her parents had bought for her when she was born. She had created a will that provided for basic care for Donny in the event of her death. A salaried caretaker was thus hired; bills were set up to auto pay. The local grocer's delivered Donny's groceries every week and the care taker prepared the food for him, boxed him up lunches, provided him his allowance of cash, and through the trust fund, provided healthcare, clothing, transportation - if needed - all of Donny's cares were taken care of. When Clara died, Donny understood the physics of it. Her cells stopped working. Something had infected the Sodium-Potassium pump and lowered its efficiency. The cells could not longer fight infection and slowly, agonizingly, he watched the love of his life literally waste away.

Somehow she knew that Donny would collapse without her so she made the preparations. And even still, you see what he has become - somewhat oblivious, socially awkward, withdrawn, forgetful like he always has something on his mind.

The slamming of the door caused Donny to open his eyes. "That must be Ms. Davis", he thought to himself. "Time to get up." Donny dressed in the wrinkled shirt and slacks, put on fresh socks and proceeded with his ritual of forcing his feet into still tied shoes. He tightened his bow tie, said hello to the slightly built, slightly greying, slightly wrinkled spinster who was busily unloading a grocery sack into the refrigerator.

"Mr. Mackey," she asked in mock derision, "are you just now getting up?"

"Ms. Davis", he nodded, "had a late night."

"You want breakfast? I'll whip one right up!" She did not wait for Donny to respond. In a blue/gray tornado of activity and the constant sound of rattling dishes and the hum of a gas burner she prepared what she called her Hobbit Breakfast Special. Within minutes a plate of two hard cooked Marin eggs - James Bond's favorite eggs, dark brown, almost chocolate shells and deep yellow yolks - link sausage, grilled cherry tomatoes and mushrooms coated in a buttery sauce, a thick slice of French bread, a small chunk of Cotswold Cheddar cheese were set before him with a cup of coffee - black - and a large glass of freshly squeezed orange juice.

Donny sat down to eat. He appreciated everything the housekeeper did for him though he did not always express this to her. They had grown used to the silence and in some way she worried what would happen to the gentle but excitable professor when she could no longer perform her weekly tasks. "Well eventually, he's going to have to take care of himself." she would think. Perhaps he would.

Clara's death had done something to Donny. He was never quite the socialite his wife had been. He was shy but given to fits of temper, which, when caught fire, usually ended up at the end of an awkward situation, with Clara apologizing, taking his hand, and leading him away from those he had offended. Especially toward the end, when Donny could see something was wrong with her, but Clara just said she was fine. When his research hit a brick wall and funding dried up; when his crack-pot ideas, the words of dean of the physics school, had stung him and he had been removed from the classroom. The happy, fairytale beginning for Clara and Donny, ended up, not in New Orleans, with him shaping young minds, but in Boston, because he had no where else to go. A small consortium of scientists invited him to join their research partnership, privately funded by a philanthropist millionaire who had lost his son in mysterious circumstances. Donny's prior research at Tulane, which was inspired by the death of his wife, consisted of trying to explain the causes behind cell mutations that caused, or were at least, marked by diseases as far ranging as Cystic Fibrosis, Lukemia, Sickle-Cell Anemia, and others. His research also studied the condition of cells, the function of the sodium-potassium pump and how its performance decayed to the point of ceasing to function at all and the subsequent death of the body. What, you may ask, is a physicist doing on a research project concerning the biological and chemical processes of the human body?

Donny believed in the unified answer that has been alluding all philosophers throughout the history of such thoughts. He truly believed, when everything was okay, when he was on top of the world, that there was a reason for everything. He decided to start, and received funding through the Tulane University Research Review Board for, a project that would investigate the entropy, that caused the human cell to eventually shut down. This was true mechanical engineering applied to bioscience and it fascinated him to be able to explore this world. The questions he asked his students, 'What is the answer to 2+2=4?', was much more of a philosophical questions than even the philosophy major had realized. In the physical world there are phenomena that are reproducible. Mankind knows it works. Mankind, also, attempts to explain the phenomena with equations, theories, and pictures. But, Donny believed, those are only representations of the way things are - not explanations for why or how they work. When he asked his students that simple math question he had something deeper in mind. Something, that had become an obsession for him; something that he had devoted his life and research to. This question brought him to Boston. This question of a unified answer, a purpose for everything, and answer for why the world works as it does, kept him alive. It was then, in the midst of one of the happiest times in his life, Clara's death shook his belief in a unified answer at its very foundation. He became dysfunctional to extreme degrees and were it not for Ms. Davis, who was now cleaning up the dishes in the kitchen, he would have starved to death under a stack of newspapers.

"You going to church with my tomorrow Mr. Mackey? It's been a while..."

Donny always declined her weekly invitation but since Ms. Davis could see that Donny had not yet dealt with his new lonely life and that he was struggling with the answer of why Clara had passed, she kept asking.

"I don't think so, Ms. Davis. I'll be heading back to the office tomorrow as usual."

Donny, every morning, made the walk back across the Charlestown Bridge into downtown Boston, to his small studio/office. He made the walk, expectantly, as if something important would be waiting for him there. Many years ago he had subscribed to at least 50 newspapers - it was a part of his research he would say - and every morning he always had at least a dozen waiting for him. Some inside the drop box built into the large painted oak door - grey, and then when the postman couldn't fit any more inside, he dropped them haphazardly onto the cracked side walk just beneath the awning. What he was looking for in the papers was a mystery to the few people who knew him and tolerated his idiosyncrasies.

This Sunday started, for Donny, as every Sunday since becoming a widower, losing faith in reason, and being asked to leave the university. He awoke, put on his wrinkled out fit, forced his feet into his laced up shoes. He loaded his pack with yesterday's newspapers and began his trek. The stop at the coffee shop was uneventful, the straw actually worked this time, and as he made his way through the highrises of north Boston, dodging early morning tourists, hurriedly trying to get to their planned attractions, taxi cabs, buses, and the homeless, he made his way the whole 7 miles to Copley Square. His office was on the second floor of an old, and now out of place, brownstone building nestled between two massive hotels at one end of the convention center. The apartment, now office, had been purchased many years ago and in spite of pressure from developers, had not been sold. It was Donny's retreat. He approached the door and pulled his key ring out of his pocket.

"Grey key - Grey Door" he recited to himself. He turned the bronze door knob to the left and with no little effort pushed the heavy door open which, in turn, pushed away the pile of newly delivered newspapers that had fallen out of the box onto the floor, sweeping the dust away like the wing of a snow angel.

He closed the door behind him, turned to view his empire. The office was one room with an adjoining restroom that is shared with the office next door, and small telemarketing firm. The room held that particular form of stasis between clutter and organization. An outsider would, at once, see the clutter, but with a second look, would see at least a resemblance of a filing system. The large, solid wood, book cases, stained a deep walnut, reached from the floor to the ceiling and encircled the room. A ladder, like those in old libraries, rested at an angle on a single track that also encircled the room. A narrow path of the circumference of which was kept clear to allow access to any shelf at any height. His desk was situated in the middle of the room and facing a large bay window, that, like the whole building itself, was out of place, surrounded as it was by the oversized, perfectly flat glass fronting the skyscrapers to either side. It had been many years since the natural light of the sun shone directly through this window. Now only the intensified reflections from the buildings across the street made their way into the room. The heat was intolerable at times, but the light kept the direct billed electric rates low. His chair was of leather, dark, well worn, custom fit to his body after years of use, and comfortable, not like those inadequate chairs where he gets his coffee. The desk was stacked with papers, some yellowed, some crinkled because the awning had not protected them from a recent rain. The blotter pad in the middle of the desk was clear and ready for him to write or read or to stare at. Across the room, behind the desk was stretched a woven clothes line upon which other papers, recently soaked by the elements, were hung to dry. There is no phone, no computer, just Donny and his books and newspapers and journals in which contained years of cryptic notes only he could understand, written in the left handed scrawl, thin, wiry, and somehow elegant, of a genius with nothing better to do.

The hard wood floors, where they could be seen, were in need of a good sweeping and refinishing, as his foot prints were easily recognizable in the dust that covered them like flour on breadmaker's table. Just over the door, from which Donny entered, and subsequently, the only open wall space in the entire room, hung a needlepoint framed in a black plastic frame, also dusty, the words from his non-annotated Cambridge edition, King James Version of the Bible:

"And he is before all things, and by him all things consist." - Collossians 1:17


Clara had made this for him using dark blue lettering on a sterling white back ground that had, over time, turned a dull grey. This served Donny, in his early research days, as a reminder of his purpose, his unified answer. And though that reminder was still strong, it did not retain the fire in him as in the past. Somehow, now, it served him as a reminder that if all things do consist in this god, that he made a very poor job of it, especially where Clara was concerned.   Donny unloaded his pack onto the cleared blotter pad on the desk and retrieved the newly delivered papers from the pile at the door. He must remember to leave a thank you to the poor postman who must carry these burdens up a flight of steps every morning. Donny, as is probably little surprise to you, never remembered to say thank you at all. Every morning Donny's real world was lost in perusing the multitude of periodicals he collected in search of clues, that no one, not even the Google, whatever that was, could provide him. . He arranged the papers in order of their state of origin and laid them out as closely as he could geographically, as if the map of the United States was imprinted on the desk. The Oregonian, The Seattle Post Intelligencer, the Billings Gazette to the Northwest; The Santa Fe Times, The San Antonio Express to the Southwest; The Oklahoma Constitution, The Columbus Dispatch and others through the Midwest, Ohio Valley, Southeast and Eastern seaboards, one by one, "Look at the title, look at the date, arrange where it belongs, then we read", Donny thought to himself. Donny was looking for answers, for clues, for hope in the columns of what strangers wrote ostensibly to provide unbiased facts for their readers. For no reason at all, Donny would confess later, he picked up the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, the oldest newspaper west of the Mississippi. He started on the front page and read every word of every article, even those with continuing pages designated when the editor ran out of room. The side bars were noted in a journal. Nothing yet. He turned page after page, reading every word, searching for key words that would spark his interest. He would then, in these rare cases, make a note in a journal, catalogued as to the date, the edition, the paper, and the subject. Funny pages, sports pages, ads, and inserts were all the subject of Donny's investigative eye. In section F of the Gazette, Business and Agriculture, a small column caught his eye. He laid the paper down without reading it. Something similar to excitement filled his breast, the feeling of his last quickening pulse was a life time ago. He took a deep breath, picked up the paper and resumed reading once again.  

"Unusual Circumstances Surround Organic Farmer
October 11, 2002
by Dave Cordis

Perryville AR- Mystery surrounds the sudden death of a local Perryville organic farmer. Just hours after arriving home from a local market, remains of Robert "Sy" _________ was found on his property in the Antioch Community, after neighbors reported hearing a small explosion and witnessing a "floating ball of light". One witness who first arrived at the scene says there was an aroma he described as ozone similar to that following a lightning strike. Authorities have ruled out the possibility of a lightning as the cause, as the sky was clear when the incident occurred. Positive identification was made by the Perry County coroner's office from the shoes, ash, and extremities of the victim found at the scene. One theory is that of spontaneous human combustion and the incident, says an Arkansas State Crime Lab spokesman is "very similar to another reported three months ago in Louisville KY. Human Combustion is rare and cases where this is the only explanation are usually closed with no cause of death. It is just a theory with no basis in science." No cause of death, in this incident or the one in Louisville, has been determined as of the date of this printing."

Donny was stunned. After years of searching, he finally had a report of a phenomenon he had been researching since the early nineties - spontaneous human combustion. His research into the mechanics of human cells had led him into this "slippery slope" of science, the basis of which is reasoned thus. If human cells, cardiac, muscle, blood or otherwise, really are "closed" packages as they are depicted in the vernacular of the scientific community, then the application of Charles/Boyles law of Pressures in a closed system should apply. If, the cell is a self contained package as observations show us, then if the pressure within the cell increases, the temperature will also increase. Likewise, if the temperature within the cell increased, the pressure will increase proportionately. This logical path brought Donny face to face with two problems. The first is, in the right circumstance and under the right conditions, can a cell destroy itself based on this law of pressures? If they can not immediately implode or explode due to an increase in pressure or temperature, can they, over time, cause the entropy that has been identified in cases of natural death. Can this be the cause of illness or disease? In other words, perhaps smoking and eating biscuits and gravy are not the cause of heart stoppage due to artery blockage and nicotine poisoning. Perhaps, over time, wide swings in cell pressure and temperature simply weakens and eventually wears out the functioning of what is known in the scientific community as the sodium-potassium pump.  The second problem Donny faced was the acceptance, or lack thereof, of this theory which really sought to challenge long held theories of disease and its treatment, developed by the medico-scientific community since the Marlboro Man had been banned from television ads. Needless to say, Donny's research had not been accepted, he had become the pariah of the scientific community, labelled a crack pot, and black-listed from any funding provided by the government or private pharmaceutical companies with a vested interested in keeping people sick. The final straw was Donny's request for a research grant to look into the phenomenon of Spontaneous Human Combustion, the natural extension of his theory surrounding cell temperatures and pressures. His theory, simple in its construction, was that this human combustion might be caused by an intensive change in the temperature of the cells of the human body, in such concentration throughout the body, that the very material, liquids, fats, muscle, etc. simply caught fire and burned, quickly from inside the body out. It was the stuff of dreams, science-fiction, or a maniacal mind. Then Clara died and Donny's world with her.

But now, as he sat at his desk, reading and re-reading the account of Sy in Perryville Arkansas, he felt a resurgence of a passion he had long since forgotten. He set the Arkansas Democrat Gazette aside, picked up his journal and recorded the entry, with the only particulars that were contained in the article. At the end of his entry, immaculately recorded in his aforementioned scrawl, he wrote: "See Louisville Courier-Journal - August 2002. Setting the journal down as he stood up, he scanned the walls of his office, quickly found the newspaper shelf for 2002, located the cardboard magazine file, in which the papers from August were stored, and pulled them out of their tightly packed position. He found the paper he was looking for. He opened it where he stood and read every word until he found a small entry in an the personal interest section.

"...Occupy Louisville....Summer ________...hands and feet, loud flash, and then a hovering white light...cause of death unknown..."

Donny turned around, stupefied. "Two in three months after 10 years of nothing, statistically significant, what do I do next? Clara what do I do?"  He fell into one of those wide-awake stupors we sometimes find ourselves in, as if he were waiting for Clara to answer. When he came out of it he was staring at the needle point hung above the door. "In Him all things consist. We'll see", he said as he closed up the office and headed back north to his home, somehow, with a renewed curiosity about the elusive, unified answer to everything..."

*    *    *

The day after Thanksgiving, 2002 - Little Rock Arkansas - War Memorial Stadium, Markham Street - The Miracle On Markham.

The overcast sky did not do the grand old structure of the stadium justice. The rain had stopped, the seats were still covered in drops that the more austere attendees wiped clean with souvenir towels or pocket handkerchiefs. The less austere simply sat down figuring they were going to get wet at sometime during the game so might as well start now. Flags upon poles, one for each state, one for the nation, and to some, just as importantly, one for each school in the conference, flapped in the wind along the top circumference of War Memorial. The pregame festivities were just concluded and the home team band began the all too familiar march to form the 'A' the football team would run through to start the game. With the exception of the band playing their march into formation the stadium was quiet in anticipation as, from the south, a squadron of A-10 Tank Busters from the National Guard Base in Ft. Smith grumbled their way directly overhead. A little over a year after the 9/11 attacks on America, the crowd rose to its feet in a deafening roar. God Bless America, God Bless Arkansas, God Bless the Razorbacks! God Bless the Southeastern Conference! The dark grey camouflage of the jets made them barely visible against the dark grey sky. Fifty seven thousand stood to their feet as if they were all connected by a single muscle as the Fighting Razorbacks exited the tunnel and ran through the uprights of the 'A' formed by the marching band.

Though their opponent on this blustery day was the powerhouse, LSU Tigers, the crowd expected a big day from their home town college, which, by some quirk of state government, was actually located three hours to the Northwest in Fayetteville Arkansas. Two games a year were played in this home away from home, ostensibly to keep the money-fans happy in the central and southern parts of the state content.

The Razorbacks are the Chicago Cubs of the college football. They always seem to beat a team they should not; they always lose to a team they should not; and periodically they rise to the precipice of greatness, only to choke an almost certain victory into an agonizing defeat. The year, 2002, culminating in this annual rivalry game against LSU was no different. And now, the only way for the Razorbacks to make it to the championship game was to beat the ruthless, fast, and mean LSU Tigers.

This regional game had come to have national significance mostly because it was the last potential stumbling block for the Tigers, who had just run onto the field accompanied by a chorus of boo-s from the delusion Razorback faithful. Donny was watching in Boston, from his dark, melancholy study, on a TV with a Cathode Ray Tube and no remote. He had to get up and turn the big knob on the front of the set if he wanted to change the channel. As you may remember, Clara was a former LSU cheerleader and she forced Donny to watch this Thanksgiving game every year  - back then, he feigned discomfort at such a waste of time, but now, he missed the tradition. Somehow watching the game provided him some comfort after all. If he truly believed Clara was somewhere, he figured she would be watching. So he did too.

Donny turned the volume down to barely audible as the talking heads on the broadcast gave him a headache. He always thought it funny that pencil necked geeks who had never played football somehow became experts. And he always laughed when they tried to make up words like "Trickeration", "Joggernut" as in, "This team has proven to be quite the Joggernut as they've made their way through conference play". The camera scanned the crowd and then finally came into focus on the hot shot Razorbacks quarterback. He was seated at the end of the bench waiting for the opening kickoff, his legs sprawled, helmet off, a grin on his face. His arms were outstretched and perched upon the back of the bench as if he was cuddling a cute, but invisible, cheerleader to either side. To look at him, one would think he was a California surfer dude, but Alma Arkansas, is not California, though they do produce passable local wines. The sideline reporter described him as "cooler than the other side of the pillow" in his opening analysis. The talking continued until finally, mercifully, the teams kicked off and received and the game began.

Neither team did well. The game, by all accounts, was excruciating to watch. Donny lost interest, napped a bit, made a microwave pizza. Somehow, two and a half hours later, LSU had a 21-7 lead, despite playing as sloppily as their opponent. In this case, to call the lack of offensive productivity simply the result of excellent defense on the part of both teams would be silly. The wet, dark conditions, perhaps the teams had too much Turkey and Dressing the night before, at any rate it was agonizingly slow. To put it in perspective, the Razorbacks had a paltry 90 yards of total offense with no completed passes in the first half. The hot shot quarterback was laying an egg. The crowd knew it but none of them left. Somehow, he could always pull it out in the end. "Not this time" a naysayer spoke up, "We're screwed. It's the Liberty Bowl again."

Donny woke up from a game-induced nap mid way through the 3rd quarter and nothing had changed. Both teams looked inept. Neither had scored. Neither had completed a pass. Neither wanted to take control of the game. The 3rd quarter ended, the commercial breaks ensued, and then, in much the same way the last quarter of the game, apparently in an effort to kill the viewers, began. The first incomplete pass by the Razorback's quarter back opened the flood gate of fair weather fans, who soaked, cold, and tired of the ineptitude, headed for the exits to find their cars parked up to two miles away or on the golf course next door. This exodus continued for several more minutes as many finally gave up hope for a miracle.

The radio commentators in the home team booth high above the field in their special dove-cote of a box were trying new comedy material because they had run out of positive things to say early on, had given up on the negative things because they too were getting depressed. The game was all but over, they said, unless the Hogs can get something going here with less than a minute thirty to go.

A pause here, may be sufficient, to describe for the reader, especially those in the northern climes, what college football means to the southerner. I hope you excuse my indulgence into this peculiar study of this peculiar segment of American culture - perhaps if I were to promise you that the conclusion of this chapter really does have an integral part to play in Donny's life and the rest of our story - would that help? We'll see.

There is a particular religion through out the Bible Belt. Sweeping from West Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Louisiana, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, South Carolina, and Florida, the fanatical followers of this religion really find one thing sacred - that is, the liturgy of Saturday afternoons. And for a religion which days of worship are one day a week and only from September to November, it has taken a foothold on America that surpasses the impact of the Great Awakening. There is no hyperbole here. Camping trips, shopping, yard work, eating, sleeping, showering, dog walking, any number of activities are minutely scheduled around their worship services on Saturday afternoons.

"Honey can you take out the garbage, change the light bulb in the basement, and mow the yard today?" says the wife.

With microprocessor like calculations, the parishioner of this peculiar church, determines the validity and achievability of this request, and accurately determines his response.

"I can take out the garbage now..." is what he says. Brain function speeds up as he determines the number of minutes to the opening kick off, and then "I'll do the basement light at half time." His brain goes into overdrive, because, I think he really wants to please his wife, and he calculates the probability of his mowing a 5,000 square foot lawn with a push mower between the final buzzer of the 1st game of a double header weekend, and the beginning of the night cap. "I'll do the yard tomorrow after church and before Sunday Night Football."

This conversation happens throughout the south every weekend as grills are loaded with charcoal, watches are frequently checked, radios are turned on in vehicles so not a moment of the game festivities is lost. Really, they must be obsessed turn on a radio so they can hear the pre-game call-in shows,

"Hello, this is the CornDog, Roll Tide!", the caller says, "Huh, I have a question and a comment. I thank are one'y chaince at beatin' da Gater's t'day is if are awffense outscores'em. What you guys thank?"

I digress. Pickup trucks, cars, and RVs, adorned with streamers, magnetic decals, and flags all in their school colors make their way down interstates across the south, to set up in parking lots, front lawns, golf courses, and groves of trees to partake in the ritual called "Tailgating". Night games in the college football south are hell, pure hell, for the visiting team and their fans, as the home town crowd gets adequately medicated starting early in the morning and through out the day, only to let loose in some quite undignified behaviour once the game actually starts. The games themselves are episodes of drama, elation, disappointment, pride, shame, smiles, and tears. Emotions all as diverse as the rituals, chants, and cheers that provide additional color to their "church" meetings. The Gator chops of Florida, The War Eagle flying into the stadium at Auburn, The Hotty Toddy in Oxford, Bulldogs, Hedges surrounding the field within the stadium at Athens Georgia, Mike the LSU Tiger, Tusk the Razorback Russian Boar, and many others are the rituals practiced every weekend. The religious fervor comes to its point at the kick off to open the game as the respective rally cries from the faithful are lifted into the air, in one voice, as incense is lifted in praise of their glorious god.

It was just such a cheer that woke Donny from his nap. There was a minute fourteen left in the game and the Razorbacks had just gotten the ball back deep in their end of the field. With 72 yards to go, down 20 to 14, after a dismal 3 and a half hours of football idiocy, the cocky, shot gun quarterback took the field. Something happened - no one knows what. At least a few of the home crowd left in the stands on this cold Friday afternoon would swear it was Divine Intervention, others would say that the coach got a "Wild Hair" and "Lit A Fire Under'em" but the crowd, again, stood as one and began one of the most iconic cheers in all of college football - They started "Calling the Hogs". As one body they slowly raised both arms in time to the long preamble "Whoooooooooo", which, according to standards set by the University of Arkansas should last at least 7 seconds. With arms fully extended above their heads, both hands flapping back and forth on the vertical axis (kind of like the Queen of England waves), both arms are then brought down sharply and held close to their rib cages, hands balled up in a fist, as they shout "PIG!", and then a sharp extension of the arms again, this time angled slightly forward, as if to punch the other team from across the field, with another shout "Sooie!" Another flex of the arms, "Razorbacks!" The magic formula for a come-behind win, after stinking it up all day, against one of the top teams in the country, on a cold and windy day, is to repeat this mantra at least three times in succession. At the end of the 3rd round of the Hog Call, the hot shot quarterback took the snap and retreated into the pocket formed by the offensive line. The cheers from the crowd became deafening, and it got Donny's attention. Suddenly the protection from the line broke through and Hot Shot was in trouble. Known for his elusiveness and staying cool under pressure, he skipped, skedaddled, and with a twist, turned to his right and rolled out toward the sidelines. It all happened so quickly, no one would dare to suggest that they just "knew"- they just "knew" in their hearts and souls something unbelievable was taking place. As Hot Shot approached the sideline he lofted what is commonly referred to as a "wounded duck" up into the air. If this play were reenacted for a Hollywood movie, time would stand still; the hero and the heroine would hold a conversation, kiss, and plan the rest of their lives. The crowd would hold its breath for an impossibly long time without turning blue or passing out, the music would intensify as the real-world sounds would silence themselves. It did, in retrospect, seem like an eternity before this wobbly, Billy Kilmer-esqe pass dropped like a stone out of the sky, and not to the ground like the previous 14 passes had done that day, but right into the open arms of a Razorback wide receiver, who by divine mercy, a defensive lapse in technique, or pure luck, at the LSU 23 yard line.

Another Hog Call filled the air as the clock was stopped momentarily while the officials spotted the ball, now miraculously deep in the opponent's territory. Now with less than a minute left in the game, Hot Shot trailed his team as they raced against the clock to line up for the next play. Donny sat up on the edge of his sofa. He was not a football fan and he tried to root for LSU, but despite is best efforts, he was focused on this kid from Alma Arkansas, who apparently oblivious to the situation, calmly jogged up the field as time wound down. The rest of the team and the LSU defensive group were lined up and ready to go. 26...25...24 seconds to go. Hot Shot eventually made it up to the line. They did not huddle...23...22...21...20. He called the signals and there was a pause to make sure everyone was set. A penalty at this point would stop the clock but lose them valuable field position...19...18...

Keep in mind, reader, that this player had not completed a pass all day, until the previous play. Many of the local fans had left for home. There was no reason for this all coming to pass. It's just a game. But somehow, and Donny had recognized it, a massive surge of energy infused the stands, the field, the air, the living rooms and bars where it was being watched on television. Even in Donny's home there was a palpable pressure, pulses beat faster, blood pressures rose, cheeks on cute little cheerleaders flushed, old men tried to stay composed, old women tried to act like they were disinterested, the radio commentators tried to stay focused...but something was happening.

17...16...15 seconds and the clock still running. Hot Shot took the snap, evaded a would be tackle that would have ended the game...14...13...Hot Shot lofted another "wounded duck" into the right-back corner of the endzone where, with a catch that will forever live in the minds of Razorback nation, and live in infamy to those from Baton Rouge....Number 22 caught Hot Shot's second completed pass of the day with 12 seconds left.

"Touchdown! Razorbacks! Oh My!", said the legendary commentator on local radio.

"Can you believe this?" said the not-so-legendary broadcast partner in the booth with him that day.

The score was tied. All the Razorbacks needed was to kick the ball through the uprights for the extra point. The snap...the place...the kick...it was good. Arkansas 21, LSU 20.

This game, now called, the Miracle on Markham, will forever be remembered by those who saw it and those who didn't will lie and say they did. But it was not without its tragedy.

Kenny Dumas was one of those Razorback fans that left the game at half time. He was born and raised in Little Rock but most of his family was from Abita Springs Louisiana. He dreaded family reunions because as an avowed Hog fan he was subject to all sorts of abuse from his LSU loyal family. The abuse was much like some in the American Christian Church heap on others within their religion. Baptist Churches get mad at each other and start new churches. Honestly, would any one go to a 3rd Baptist Church anyway? When Episcopalians get made at each other they start another denomination. It is the same with the new religion of the south. When attacked from the outside by a team from another conference, they all come together in support of their unity. In stadium across the southeast one can hear, at least once "SEC!SEC!" during the day. But bring a brother into town, well then, the fight is on!

Kenny did not drive home. He was sad. Not because of the game necessarily, but because of life. He had no one to share it with, a job he hated. He had bought season tickets, though he couldn't really afford it. This new church he found gave him peace, for as long, and as often as he could watch the game. His old church, ostensibly unified in Christ, rejected him, because he didn't tithe. When it was found out that he dropped $575 on football tickets, he was made the subject of a sermon. His name wasn't used but everyone knew who the minister was talking about. He had hoped, at least, for a good game this weekend. It would make next week just a little bit better for him.

Kenny did not leave the stadium parking lot. He sat in his truck, smoking cigarettes he could not afford, and listened to the rest of the game on the radio. When that first pass of the game was completed, he found hope infuse his body, even as the hot ember of his smoke fell to his lap, burning a hole in his jeans. When the second pass was caught and he heard the roar of the crowd from the stadium, and then the roar on the radio after the 5 second delay, a big smile crossed his face, and then:

A loud pop, like a large firecracker, smoke, ash, and a hovering white light behind the wheel. When it was discovered, the stadium security team documented, a pair of boots, snake skin motorcycle boots,  on the floor board; the lower extremities of the legs standing upright in them as if an invisible person was still attached and sitting there. One hand was outside the truck on the pavement, apparently burnt off, still squeezed between the fore and middle fingers the now extinguished cigarette butt, Marlboro Red 100. Back inside the car, a right hand grasping the floor mounted gear shift. In the seat, scorched but not burnt was a pile of ashes. Nothing else except the still visible foot print of what officials think is a small bird.