Saturday, March 23, 2013

Appropriate Self Righteous Responses #1

We started our egg business back up. Going slowly. Collecting up to 3 dozen per day, nice clean beautiful eggs that we place in recycled cartons in our fridge in the barn. I take 6 dozen a week into work and have just now made my first sale - 3 dozen. I've been giving them away for the past two weeks - kind of like a crack dealer who gives away the first hit in hopes of getting the user hooked.

We are selling them for $3.50 per dozen and as happens frequently at the farmer's markets, one of my customers, in an over exaggerated stream of hyperbole protested, in front of several of our new potential customers.

"$3.50 per dozen. Are you crazy? I can get a dozen at the store for around a dollar!"

I will now share with you my response, which, self-righteous as it was, is completely appropriate when addressing his neanderthal-ic reaction, especially since he felt it necessary to use his personal repugnance of our pricing to discourage more willing potential buyers from purchasing our eggs.

Long version - actually spoken while onlookers, slightly taken aback reveled in the embarrassment of the ass who started it all. 

"If you want high protein, high calcium, high in Omega 3s, fresh clean eggs with rich dark yolks and calcium rich shells that are, hard to crack open, from happy chickens, chickens that are fed from my pocket, running free on pasture that we hand pull weeds and naturally fertilize; and eggs collected from healthy hens who are allowed to act and live as chickens were intended, by farmers who open the coop at 5:30 AM, clean it by the muscles in our backs and the sweat of our brows, keep them safe throughout the day from predators and thieves with fencing we've bought from our own pockets, and farmers that, rain or shine, sleet or snow, make one last trip down the hill to close the coop for the night, a coop we built with our own hands in the heat of summer, a coop made from recycled wood and windows you and people like you throw in the landfills or the ditches then $3.50 per dozen is a small price to pay. If however you prefer thin shelled, pale white, almost translucent eggs with pale yellow nutrition-less yolks, high in fat and Omega 6s, harvested from hens stacked 6 in a cage, who never or rarely see the sun or God's green earth, eggs pulled from them by machines and conveyors, scrubbed of everything good, stuffed by the hundreds of thousands into large diesel sucking refrigerated trucks and hauled thousands of miles to your grocers - then don't buy our eggs."

Short version - which in retrospect would have sufficed.

"Then don't buy our eggs."

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