Thursday, August 2, 2012

Chik-Fil-A Conspiracy Revealed

"...they hit the conspiracy button. Easiest thing in the world. Cherry-pick a few facts, cobble them together, listen to a couple of disgruntled alarmists with an axe to grind, throw in a household name or two, you can put together any bloody story you want." - John Le Carre, The Constant Gardner

Has anyone else heard this?




Ruetres - Atlanta Georgia, August 2, 2012

by I.M. Satyre


Sources close to Chik-Fil-A CEO, Dan Cathy have released documents describing a conspiracy contrived between the fast food giant and Fox Network, specifically linking Cathy and talk show pundit Mike Huckabee in a clandestine "PR Stunt" designed to boost lagging national 4th Quarter sales for the fast food chain.


Speaking on conditions of anonymity, the source described and produced emails and text messages exchanged between Cathy and Huckabee just days before Cathy's comments regarding his stance on same sex marriage and the financial support his company provides for a variety of ultra-conservative Christian organizations.


The source goes on to say that Cathy's comments, the cause of the recent furor, were premeditated and that an agreement between the CEO and Huckabee called for remuneration to Huckabee, most likely in the form of periodic transfers of small amounts of Chik-Fil-A shares in exchange for Huckabee's agreeing to call for a "National Chik-Fil-A Appreciaton Day" to be held on August 1.


Mary Cheatham, an attorney for Atlanta Law Firm, Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe, in an interview held in the early morning hours after the source came forward, believes this collusion or conspiracy, between Huckabee and Cathy may not be illegal as a publicity gimmick, but if it can be proved that company shares exchange hands under the table that there could be suits filed by the Federal Trade Commission.


Regardless of the legality of the alleged agreement, the strategy seems to have worked. Financial information, also leaked by this source, shows national sales figures for August 1 alone have set a new mark for the franchise, exceeding revenue levels for any two consecutive months combined.

I can honestly say this doesn't surprise me...

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